I am here...sorta

I haven't had much to say on my own blog, but I've been slowly reading and commenting on yours. :)

I hope this will inspire me to write more myself but in the mean time I'm content to catch up with all of you.

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2011!!

The Grass is always greener...

I had lunch this weekend with the grad school friend I mentioned at the bottom of this post. We spent a lot of time talking about our respective jobs and although I still wish I could spend my days doing what she spends her day doing (i.e., writing manuscripts and conducting data analysis on ideas/projects that she can freely generate), I would not be able to do that job now that I have a child. The place she works is not at all family friend. Totally inflexible regarding hours, no working from home, and a regimented half hour lunch break (so she always eats her lunch at her desk). So although I coveted this job for years, I am over it.

I may not be able to spend my days doing what I would like (although the powers that be keep telling me that we're going to get there), I have been able to drop down to 75% time, I work from home at least one day a week and my husband brings my son to the office so I can nurse him on my long day, oh and I got a promotion after being back from maternity a couple of days.

I'm a Mommy!

Wow, it's been forever since I've posted here. Not even sure anyone is left to read it.

I had my baby boy July 5th at 12:24pm and he is the love of my life. He was 7lbs, 9oz and 21 inches long. I'm going to try to find some time to come back in and post. But for now a picture as a peace offering. :)

RBOC: getting ready for a baby is hard work edition

• All is well, 31.5 weeks and counting! I have my last ultrasound next Thursday and I can't wait to get another look at him.
  
• I am officially waddling, I'm sure it's amusing to others, to me-- not so much.
• Nursery is painted, crib and dresser/changing table assembled and curtains on order.
  
• I am fortunate to have two baby showers coming up the first week of June, grad school friends have booked flights and staying for the weekend --I couldn't possible be more thrilled.
• Work is well... insane. I am still in charge of our largest project of the year and as time is slipping away I am starting to feel the panic set in. I want to push the project to the point where it's all about revision when I walk out the door. This would mean so much to my team and it would be a huge source of pride for me... I hope I can do it.
• It's impossible for me to come home from work and do more work, I used to be able to do it, now I'm lucky if I can eat dinner before I fall asleep.
  
• New opportunity is presenting itself at work with amazing timing given how disgruntled I have been as of late (ok, the last 1.5 years), and shitty timing given I'm going to have a baby in give or take 8 weeks. Luckily my corporate staff want this for me 100% and therefore are willing to move it forward and make it happen even if I'm on maternity leave. If all goes well, it will be there waiting for me when I get back.
  
• Overall I'm busy as hell yet delighted. Hubby and I reflect on how incredibly lucky we are to have a baby on the way and so very many people who are just as excited and love him the way we do before he is already here.
  

I miss the blog world. I try to read whenever I get a few minutes so you'll see me pop up in your comments here and there. I am hoping that once my little man gets here and we settle in as a family I'll get back into the writing part.

Work

I have been doing some hard core soul searching about my job and have come to some serious conclusions. I need to either get off my current project or leave my company. A few things have happened recently to make me realize that I need to do this.

1. We have a new senior member of our team. She had breakdown late last week and I realized that I was looking in a mirror. Nothing has changed, she is having the same difficulties I experienced 2 years ago when I began this job. Even more startling to me was the fact that none of those difficulties have gone away in 2 YEARS.
2. Monday we had a big wigs staff meeting and every big wig admitted to having health and/or relationship difficulties due to our work on this project. I should mention there are 5 of us!
   
3. I woke up at 3am this am, could not stop thinking about a meeting I had with our FC early that afternoon in light of the revelations from the senior staff meeting on Monday and I ended up sobbing.
   

So I need to do something. I don't want to leave my company, if I were not on this particular project my company would be one of the best to work for. But, I've been pigeon holed in my current position on my current project because I've made it work (we literally make the impossible happen, over and over again!) and I've made it better for everyone else involved (except for myself).

I have made it quite clear to the powers that be over and over again that I would like to be involved in other projects and that I'd even be willing to stay on my current project part-time if I could find something else intellectually stimulating. I have also asked to shift my responsibilities to take on tasks that are more intellectually stimulating and would entail less direct contact with my supervisor and FC. These requests have all been met with what the powers that be thought was what I wanted to hear at the time, but no follow up action.

I am no longer willing to stay on part-time and I no longer care to have my responsibilities shifted. I need off the project or moving on to another company. It's not a threat, it's the reality of the situation. I just don't think there is room for me on other projects. There are so few PhD spots

Here's the other side of this: I am 6.5 months pregnant. I'll be on maternity leave from mid-July to mid-October. So when do I tell the powers that be that I need to either be switched to a new project or I will have to leave? Any Advice?

Why yes, I do have a blog....

I have thought about posting often, but for some reason just haven't gotten around to it. I do wonder if part of the reason why I haven't blogged is that I'm having a bit of an identity crisis...well maybe not crisis but floundering. I'm not upset about it, just recognizing that my life is changing and I'm not 100% settled in who I am right now.

Here's some updates wrapped in topics I have thought about blogging about:

My life working opposite shift from my husband.

• Primarily revolves around take out food and my DVR.
• I spend a lot of time alone and often feel quite lonely.

5.5 months of pregnancy

• Overall, I think it's been a pretty easy going pregnancy.
  
• Luckily, I got by with very little morning sickness.
• I am suffering from some back issues and have been in PT for about 2 months, things are going better and my PT exercises work to the point where I've been able to control the pain pretty well.
• I found registering for baby goods way more overwhelming than registering for our wedding. Not sure what that says about me.
• My dogs have been taken over by alien beasts, I had no idea they'd be so reactive to the fact that I'm pregnant.
  
• I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what it will be like to raise a son (yes, baby is a boy) and how right it feels for hubby and I.
• It is still a bit mind blowing (exciting but still mind blowing) that I have a human life growing inside me and that in a few short months I'll be a Mom.
  

Work

• Not much has changed. 1.5 years of dealing with micromanaging high maintenance individuals has really worn me down.
• I'm looking forward to maternity leave and will reassess my career plans in the fall.
• I saw my undergrad, master, phd and post doc mentors at our annual conference at the end of January, all of them encouraged me to get back into the academia game. Some of them luring me in with good data and the prospect of writing up papers over the next year and getting on the job market.
  
• A grad school friend just accepted a job in home city that is a job I have coveted for 2 years now, but never applied for. Still not sure how I feel about that.
  

I think that's it for now. If you are particularly interested in any of these topics let me know and I can write more.