RBOC: getting ready for a baby is hard work edition

• All is well, 31.5 weeks and counting! I have my last ultrasound next Thursday and I can't wait to get another look at him.
  
• I am officially waddling, I'm sure it's amusing to others, to me-- not so much.
• Nursery is painted, crib and dresser/changing table assembled and curtains on order.
  
• I am fortunate to have two baby showers coming up the first week of June, grad school friends have booked flights and staying for the weekend --I couldn't possible be more thrilled.
• Work is well... insane. I am still in charge of our largest project of the year and as time is slipping away I am starting to feel the panic set in. I want to push the project to the point where it's all about revision when I walk out the door. This would mean so much to my team and it would be a huge source of pride for me... I hope I can do it.
• It's impossible for me to come home from work and do more work, I used to be able to do it, now I'm lucky if I can eat dinner before I fall asleep.
  
• New opportunity is presenting itself at work with amazing timing given how disgruntled I have been as of late (ok, the last 1.5 years), and shitty timing given I'm going to have a baby in give or take 8 weeks. Luckily my corporate staff want this for me 100% and therefore are willing to move it forward and make it happen even if I'm on maternity leave. If all goes well, it will be there waiting for me when I get back.
  
• Overall I'm busy as hell yet delighted. Hubby and I reflect on how incredibly lucky we are to have a baby on the way and so very many people who are just as excited and love him the way we do before he is already here.
  

I miss the blog world. I try to read whenever I get a few minutes so you'll see me pop up in your comments here and there. I am hoping that once my little man gets here and we settle in as a family I'll get back into the writing part.

Why yes, I do have a blog....

I have thought about posting often, but for some reason just haven't gotten around to it. I do wonder if part of the reason why I haven't blogged is that I'm having a bit of an identity crisis...well maybe not crisis but floundering. I'm not upset about it, just recognizing that my life is changing and I'm not 100% settled in who I am right now.

Here's some updates wrapped in topics I have thought about blogging about:

My life working opposite shift from my husband.

• Primarily revolves around take out food and my DVR.
• I spend a lot of time alone and often feel quite lonely.

5.5 months of pregnancy

• Overall, I think it's been a pretty easy going pregnancy.
  
• Luckily, I got by with very little morning sickness.
• I am suffering from some back issues and have been in PT for about 2 months, things are going better and my PT exercises work to the point where I've been able to control the pain pretty well.
• I found registering for baby goods way more overwhelming than registering for our wedding. Not sure what that says about me.
• My dogs have been taken over by alien beasts, I had no idea they'd be so reactive to the fact that I'm pregnant.
  
• I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what it will be like to raise a son (yes, baby is a boy) and how right it feels for hubby and I.
• It is still a bit mind blowing (exciting but still mind blowing) that I have a human life growing inside me and that in a few short months I'll be a Mom.
  

Work

• Not much has changed. 1.5 years of dealing with micromanaging high maintenance individuals has really worn me down.
• I'm looking forward to maternity leave and will reassess my career plans in the fall.
• I saw my undergrad, master, phd and post doc mentors at our annual conference at the end of January, all of them encouraged me to get back into the academia game. Some of them luring me in with good data and the prospect of writing up papers over the next year and getting on the job market.
  
• A grad school friend just accepted a job in home city that is a job I have coveted for 2 years now, but never applied for. Still not sure how I feel about that.
  

I think that's it for now. If you are particularly interested in any of these topics let me know and I can write more.

RBOC quick check in edition

• An up date on my last post; I now have a temporary crown on my tooth and am pretty much pain free. My back is better, physical therapy made a huge difference and I'm traveling right now so I haven't been able to be vigilant about my exercises but I'm doing my best and will be much better when I get home.
• I'm not sure this conference was a great idea. All of my old colleagues are trying to convince me to jump back into the academia game and kick ANJ to the curb. I have lots of mixed feelings about this.
• I have no luck with hotel rooms, we're in an amazing city with a wealth of hotel options and I ended up at the conference hotel that SUCKS. The room is small, with an even smaller window, the lighting is dingy and the hotel itself just feels run down.
• Things are not much better ANJ, I am battling with my supervisor over control over a project that I am the lead on but that supervisor clearly wants to direct. It's not much fun and I'm fighting the battle but told my closest colleague that I'm close to giving in, and that if I do I see where this path will lead me --likely that I will not be back after maternity leave.
• It's been fun and a bit overwhelming telling all my friends and colleagues that I'm pregnant. Everyone is so supportive. I'm still in the position of telling some they can't tell others because I really think it should come from me. After this weekend though, all bets are off, tell whomever the hell you want to tell. :)
• Can't wait to fly home on Sunday. I miss my hubby, the dogs, and my own bed.
  

RBOC: I seem to only write in bullets lately

• I'm hanging out at home alone on a Saturday night. I really need it, my sister had a minor surgery yesterday and although I didn't think I was nervous I feel exhausted today and I'm pretty sure it was worrying about her yesterday that caught up with me (she's doing great by the way, so that's why I figure it caught up with me today when there is no longer any reason to worry).
• Unbloggable personal situation has taken over my life. Hence, the lack of posting. I hope that it will become bloggable soon, or at least things will settle down a bit and I can find more time to write.
• FC strikes again, my team has been working on this particular project (for which I am the project lead) for 6 months, and FC now claims it was never approved and they thought we were working on this complete other project that isn't due until next year. Although given my new plan, I am surprisingly not at all stressed by this. Actually, I've found it rather amusing. We have a meeting to discuss this on Monday, I fully intend to let those above me hash this out. Given that we have a wealth of evidence that this project was indeed approved and that FC is indeed an effin wacko I intend to enjoy a little bit of this meeting.
• The ankle is much better. I wasn't going to wrap it today but it felt a little unstable this morning so I decided to just wrap it and not worry. Hopefully I'll be ready to start some light exercising next week.
  

RBOC: A few updates from recent posts

• The ankle- is better. I made a stupid mistake on Wed by not wrapping it and driving to work. Apparently driving really hurts when you sprain your right ankle and it's been a bit of a step back. I've been much smarter about this since then.

• The dissertation manuscript- is not touched. I am thinking about where I would like to send it next, I'll get to it, but it's been so beautiful outside this weekend there isn't any way I want to be tied to my computer.

• The job- I've made some decisions lately that have left me feeling a little better about my job and like I can make this work long term. I am going to continue to work on this contract through the end of the fiscal year (Sept) and then I'm going to start looking for my own contract, well I'll probably start looking before then but do not intend to take anything on until this fiscal year contract is up. The ideal would be a small contract that allows me to do psychology work and avoid working full-time on anything directed by my current FC. Then I'll have independence in my own small contract and continue to work with my current team who I adore and with whom I want to continue my relationship.

I think that's it for today. It's beautiful again so I'm headed out to get my hair cut and maybe to my nephews lacrosse game after some grocery shopping.

RBOC: Up and Down Kinda Day

• UP: It's warm, almost 70 degrees and I have on flip flops and Capri pants for the first time this season.


• DOWN: It's going to be back to 40 on Sunday


• UP: I got some very exciting personal unbloggable news today.


• DOWN: It's unbloggable and I can't really talk to anyone IRL about it either.


• DOWN: My dissertation manuscript was rejected.


• UP: The reviews were fair and really quite positive in some spots.


• DOWN: Have a major conference call with FC at 2:30 and I would much prefer to avoid that.


• UP: It's Friday and I have a bunch of fun stuff planned for the weekend.

Oops...
Never got to post this yesterday.

RBOC: Not a Happy Camper

• I have been screwed over at work (in a way that may do a bit of damage to my professional reputation... but I think I can stop that) and there is NOTHING I can do about it except refuse to do anything else that will allowed me to be screwed again.
  
• My supervisors at work are "as outraged as I am about this situation" and although they've put on the face of sticking up for me to the powers that be it's useless. Although they told me they would "make this right", they actually can't.
  
• This situation has made me less than enthusiastic about work as of late. I haven't been volunteer to be the project lead on new projects, and on Friday I basically escaped an hour early because I just could not stand to be there anymore. I'm not sure what to do about this but it can't go on forever.
• Getting out of bed to go to work last week= a total bitch, I was later than I would like every day.
  
• There are no research jobs for me to apply to right now, trust me, I've been looking. And I obviously missed the faculty job opportunities for this year (not that there were more than a couple in my field that I would have even considered).
• Hubby has been sick all weekend and basically didn't want to do anything but sit around the house. It happens to coincide with a weekend in which everyone I know has been busy so I too have done nothing but sit around the house.
  
• Now I feel anxious about the fact that it's Sunday and I have to go to work tomorrow. Even though I've sat around the house all weekend, the time has flown.
• Hubby wants to go to his parents house for Easter. It's 2 hours away and we have to decided whether to bring the dogs and go out on Saturday (huge pain in the ass) or do not bring the dogs (drive 4 hours for a 2 hour dinner on Sunday). I would prefer to stay home and go to my sisters (5 minutes away) but we almost always go that route.
  
• I haven't done any data management for my post doc project. I am almost done, just need to work up the motivation to get it done. However, the way I have been feeling thanks to the job situation just doesn't help me feel motivated.
  

RBOC: Finally a Nice Weekend Edition.

• We have the windows open and the heat off, it is going to be in the 60's today!
• DH and I have a birthday party this AM/early PM, a dinner and dancing date tonight, and another birthday party tomorrow.
• The dogs are at doggie day camp today. We're test driving this place for when we're in FL for spring training.
• We leave for our spring training trip in 11 days!!
  
• I need to shower and get presents wrapped before DH gets back from having his hair cut.
  
• Here is to hoping that all this snow is gone by the end of tomorrow and we can see dirt/grass once again.
  

RBOC: Recovering

Signs I'm getting better

• I showered today!
• I felt hungry
• I am able to sit upright for more than 1 hour without complete and utter exhaustion
• I actually wanted coffee for the first time in 2 days

Signs I'm still not quite there

• I was still too tired to get in the car and go into the office
• My coffee didn't taste right
• When I eat the food still feels heavy in my stomach (even if it's just applesauce)

I'm still really sad that I can't be in a sunny warm place with my friends but getting on a plane would have been the worst decision yesterday so at least I made the right choice.

RBOC: Ready for Spring

• The weather sucks today, snow, rain, ice... right now we have 1.5 inches of new snow with a shitload of rain on top. That is going to be just great when the temperature drops later and it's all ice. I am really grateful that ANJ let's me work from home so often, getting to the office would have been more of a nightmare than Monday!
• I got DH a trip to Spring Training for our favorite baseball team for X-mas, I booked the flights last night, I'm ready to leave now.
• I want to start running again and I know I like running outside way more than on a treadmill, and I'm much more likely to actually run if I can do it outside...but see the first bullet.
• I want to have a garden in my new yard and grow herbs on my deck. I can't even get on the deck right now because it's covered in ice.
• X-mas is over, there is no more need for snow.

Ok, so bring on Spring!!

RBOC: I'm cranky

This is a list of the things I'm cranky about right now.

• NFL football is for Sundays, not for Thursdays before Thanksgiving, it's just not right.
• The contractors doing some work here at my office took up 4 parking spots in our tiny parking lot, with 1 friggen van.
• I can feel a cold coming on... now is not a good time!
• I am hosting* Thanksgiving dinner for 12 people (in 2 weeks!!), the plumber hasn't shown up in 2 weeks and my dining room is torn apart.
• I forgot to bring my oatmeal for breakfast this AM and had to stop to buy something or I wouldn't have had anything to eat.

Now that I've vented, maybe I can get some work done.

* Edited, it used to say hosing which I found funny but couldn't leave there.

RBOC: End of the week edition

• I spent this morning at my nephew's soccer game and now I have a ridiculous sun burn on the right side of my face, y'know the kind where you can see where your sunglasses were. ugh.
  
• Went to happy hour on Thursday with some of my co-workers. It was fun and I'm so glad they invited me. I am the only one on my team at my level, there are a few above me and quite a few below me (in terms of job grade) and I was a little worried that it might make things isolating. But nope, not at all. Everyone at ANJ is so friendly and welcoming. My team is actually taking me to lunch on Monday and I can't wait.
  
• 16 days until we close on our new house. Then we'll take about 2 weeks to move. I can't wait... but does that mean we've started packing?? Um.. nope. We should start that.
  
• Tomorrow is going to be a rainy Sunday full of NFL football. DH's team plays at 1pm, my team at 4pm. Looks like it might be a PJ day.
  
• I am still having headaches, everyday. I think it's an allergy thing because I'm also really, really tired which is something else that happens to me when my allergies are acting up. I really hope it stops soon.
  
• I haven't done any manuscript writing in the past month. This isn't making me happy but I've needed the weekends to relax. I am hoping once we move I can spend a few hours a weekend and get some of my papers out. I really love my dissertation work and I feel like I can make an important contribution if I ever get the manuscript submitted.
  

RBOC: Soooooooooo Tired Edition

• Ran my study today for the first time with new Interns.
• Interns rock!! Summer participants suck, 8 people scheduled, 3 people run... need I say more?
• I don't understand the no call/no email/no show. Dude, call me at 11pm and leave a message or hit reply to the email I sent to confirm your appointment and just say sorry can't make it.
• Another full schedule tomorrow, if only 3 show up I might start pulling people from the street to give my poor interns some running experience.
  
• I need to look over the damn homework reports tomorrow night before my interview on Friday.
  
• Post Doc Mentor got grant score... it's close... may or may not be funded, won't know for about 3 weeks.
  
• YIKES.... I may soon have to make a major job decision, however I'm too busy and tired to think about that right now.
• YAWN.. I'm going to bed. g'night.
  

Random Ramblings

* Who the hell weedwacks at 8am on a Sunday, shouldn't you be at church so I can sleep!

* My throat is still scratchy, but it hasn't gotten worse so I'm betting on allergies over strept again.

* Grad Advisor (GA) wrote back to say they're going out of town so I sent my paper to my undergrad mentor (UM) to read in the mean time. I'm annoyed about this but really don't have a right to be. I'll get good feedback from UM and then hopefully GA can make minimal changes and we'll get this paper submitted.

* It's beautiful out today, I'd like to get some exercise but the scratchy throat may pose a problem.