The job issues

I mentioned yesterday that I am having some issues at work and that I was hoping that I'd feel less frustrated after getting some R & R on vacation but I don't feel less frustrated, instead I feel pissed off and anxious <>

There are two main issues that have lead to these feelings about my job.

One of them I have alluded to in the past in my description of my job as a wedding cake baker here and here. Oh and I mention more here too. The moral of this story is that the person who coordinates the contract for the project that I work on (FC) is CRAZY and I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this. In addition to the constant changing of their mind, they're also not letting me do anything Psychological in nature. They turn down all my ideas (even though my boss and project director think their fantastic) and the work I'm doing on this project is just not at all fulfilling.

The second issue pertains to the need for change on our team. Many of our current procedures are not working, people (me especially) are stressed, overworked and disgruntled. We've hired new people and have been given more money on our contract but neither of these will help the current situation. The entire team had a meeting to discuss our issues, everyone agrees on the issues. Then we brought up proposed solutions and everyone is on board with the solutions... well...except my boss. My boss pretends to be on board with the solutions given that the rest of the team thinks they're a great idea, and in theory the boss thinks that the solutions proposed really are effective ways to deal with the issues. But in reality my boss is totally threatened by the proposed solutions and is already (not even 2 weeks in) doing things to undermine the new procedures.

As one of the senior members of the team I have been one of the loudest voices pushing for change.The rest of the team agrees but they're less vocal. My active participation in pushing for change has begun to deteriorate my relationship with my boss who is one of those overly sensitive people that drain me of all my energy. My boss reads my complaints and suggestions as my own personal issues, and completely disregards any evidence of the team's agreement with me.

After many counterproductive discussions with my boss I have begun talking to the project management (those who oversee my boss and the entire team) about the teams issues and the complications I'm having discussing the issues with my boss. Before I game flamed I have not done this in any way that undermines my boss. Instead, I've made it clear that I'd like those above my boss to hear out the team (they've talked to everyone else on my team-- which is what I wanted my boss to do and they refused) and help me to maintain my relationship with my boss while helping the team institute the changes that are essential to our future success.

Thus far all of this had yielded nothing more than what I consider to be lip service. I know somethings have been said to my boss but that led to more condescending and passive aggressive interactions between us. Before I left for vacation I had another frank discussion with someone on the project management side of our contract and it made it very clear that I was frustrated and angry and that the team itself was losing steam and feeling disgruntled.

Over vacation I have been thinking more and more about what I can do to be happy at work. What can I control? How can I make things better? I have some ideas but they all pertain to getting off my current project which sucks because I really enjoy working with this team and see the potential for the project to be great.

My last bit of hope is that our project manager is coming to our team meeting tomorrow (this is one of the suggestions I made when I had a conversation with the project manager prior to vacation), I don't know why they're coming but I hope it's going to be a regular thing. It sure would help me gain back some hope.

Oh and if things were better within the team, I'd drop down to less than full time on this project and apply for other contracts that would allow me to do Psychological work and then I could be fulfilled as as Psychologist and continue working with the co-workers I've grown to enjoy.

RBOC: back from vacation

• Came home a day early. It was a beach vacation but today and tomorrow temps are only going to reach 70F which just doesn't work for sitting on a beach. I was content with my 7 days of vacation.

• After practically growing up on the beach, I really, really missed the ocean when I was living in grad school town. I was thrilled to sit in the sand and watch the waves roll in for days on end.

• Family vacations are great in theory but aren't all their cracked up to be in reality. There were 11 of us share a 4 bedroom cottage, need I say more?

• Some people are incredibly selfish in every aspect of their lives, this really comes to light when you're sharing a small, not well insulated space with them for 7 days. I just don't know how they get away with it (especially when they have kids).

• I really needed some R&R and I made it a priority to get some on vacation.

The reason I needed the R&R on vacation was to get some time and space away from ANJ and do some thinking. I just had my one year anniversary, and things have not been great for me over the past few months but I wasn't sure whether I just needed some time off (hadn't taken a real vacation since March and had been working 60 hour weeks for the past month or so). Unfortunately the closer I get to returning to work the more I realize that I was not just tired and strung out, because the negative feelings I had when I left have not disappeared with time away as I had hoped they might. A more detailed post about these issues and what I need to do about them to follow over the next day or two.

Vacation Read Recommendations

I leave next Saturday for a 9 day beach vacation! I have not taken any vacation time since March and I so need this time way. I am looking forward to 9 days of doing absolutely nothing.

So with that in mind I am looking for recommendations for mindless beach reads... please share anything you've read that fit this bill.

I don't want to work today.

I have to respond to feedback on a report my team wrote. I have to decipher these comments, write our response and offer suggestions for how we handle the feedback. It's rather irritating to be honest.

The commenter is supposed to be a professional in the field (I mean they are in title) and their comments fluctuate between self aggrandizing and inflamatory. Very few comments are actually helpful and you wouldn't mind but this person gets paid to do this. Worse than any article review I've ever received.

I have taken over this task for my team because I see it as a challenge. I work in a politically sensitive field and so we have to be very tactfull when we tell people that their feedback is shit. My personality is very blunt and confrontational so it's a nice challenge for me to respond to this feedback. My boss often tells me that she is impressed with my tact, perhaps I should have taken up acting!

In between each comment I am reading a blog post or two (with 400+ new posts in my reader this can keep me busy) to keep my blood pressure below the simmering point.

Negative talk

I woke up this morning thinking about how much weight I have gained, how crappy I feel about my body, how bummed out I am about the medical stuff I went through 2 months ago... and then I shook my head and thought why the hell am I doing this to myself?

I have no idea why I woke with such negative talk rolling around in my head but I'm doing what I can to get rid of it. I have fun weekend plans with family and I'm going to make an effort to enjoy myself and not beat myself up. Now if only my brain would cooperate.

sigh

Ah the joys of these new social networking sites and the new issues that come from them. I know Di Di and Mamabeek have talked about issues with FB and now I have a twitter issue.

I am on twitter to follow a particular band I'm a huge fan of, that is the only reason I joined.This may seem weird but it's something I don't want to share with other people. I never told anyone I joined and for a long time I had my tweets hidden. I took off the privacy settings a couple of weeks ago because I wanted to join in a public conversation, forgot to put it back and one of my not a fan of the band, real life friends found me tonight.

I sent her a DM saying she probably does not want to follow me, and I removed her from my followers. If she asks I'm going to just say I closed my privacy settings and it must have thrown her out when I did it. She's not savvy about twitter. I should have made it so I wan't identifiable at all, now I don't want to tweet anymore. Maybe I'll create another twitter account and stop tweeting on this one or delete the tweets I don't want anyone to read and just use this for my public account.

I should have known better. Such a bummer.

An Open Letter to My DH

Dear Hubby,

I'm writing this here because if I don't write it down here, I might just have to strangle you.

It's not my fault that you call two nights before you leave to find out what you need to wear for the various events you'll participate in while traveling.

It's also not my fault that you had to go shopping after work tonight because you did not have any appropriate clothing.

It's not my fault that you wait to pack for your trip at 10pm the night before your 8am flight.

It's not my fault that you only travel a couple of times a year and therefore forget which toiletries you ran out of the last time you did so (oh and again, not my fault you waited until 10pm to start thinking about this).

Yes, I travel more often than you do, I also think about what I need to wear months beforehand, pack at least 24 hours beforehand and always replace my toiletries before I even begin to pack (sometimes right after I return from my trip).

I will miss you while you're gone this weekend, but it's not my fault that I'll be slightly happy to be drop you off in the AM.

How quickly you forgot that I 1. went shopping with you, 2. let you borrow my suitcase and 3. took care of checking you in for your flight.

Much love from your running out of patience Wife.