Saturday, June 13, 2009

devastated

Yesterday was the worst day of my life (so far and I hope, hope, hope for a lifetime). I have a medical issue that shattered my world both physically and emotionally (I don't want to get into specifics for a number of reasons). The good news is that it's not permanent or life threatening and I will eventually be okay. Things are going to suck physically for about a week or so and emotionally for well... as long as it takes I guess.

The toughest thing for me right now is that talking is the worst. I just can't do it, and as a psychologist I know this freaks everyone around me out. Even thinking about talking to other people makes my eyes fill with tears and frankly I've cried enough in the last 24 hours to leave my eyes swollen, skin raw and my head pounding. I'm not sure I can take much more of it so I've been avoiding talking to everyone.

Even my husband who really is a comfort right now, I can't talk to. I thought I was okay this AM given that I actually slept rather well last night despite my concerns that I would not. Then the minute I started to speak to him I fell apart. I sent him out for the morning so that I could just feel more composed.

So I'm going to be quiet for a while, maybe after the physical issues are dealt with the emotional distress will ease a bit as well. I hope everyone understands, I know I have their love and support and that really is a comfort to me, right now I just don't have a voice to express it.

15 comments:

Seeking Solace said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I do hope everything will be OK soon.

As someone who battles her own medical issues, I completely udnerstand your need for space. When you are ready, we are here foe you.

post-doc said...

Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I hope the physical side is over quickly and that you begin to heal emotionally as well. If you think of anything we can do for you, please let us know. And take care in whatever way feels right for today.

haphazardmusings said...

I'm very sorry that you are enduring this trial. Whatever it is, I hope that you are able to work through it and come out a stronger person.

EthidiumBromide said...

So, so sorry to hear of your recent bad news. Having been through far more than my fair share of medical issues, I've come to learn that there always seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel... I hope you are able to find yours soon.

Di Di said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Make sure you take as much time as you need to take care of yourself -- be really gentle and kind to yourself while you are going through this... if you don't feel like working or talking, you have every right to take a break and do what you need to do for yourself. Sending virtual hugs your way...

JLK said...

I'm very sorry to hear this, PPD. I am sending virtual hugs your way and the hope that everything returns to acceptably normal as soon as possible.

PhizzleDizzle said...

oh ppd!!! i'm sorry to read this....i hope that everything settles down and the emotional aspect comes together quickly....the blogosphere supports you, and you can't talk to us anyway so maybe that's good for you :).

i'm sending positive thoughts your way.

caroline said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( I hope you get better really soon. I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs. I'll be thinking of you.

Psych Post Doc said...

Thank you for the lovely comments everyone. I am so appreciative, it means a lot.

I have some minor surgery tomorrow and the physical side of all this can begin to heal. At this point I'm just hoping time will pass quickly.

Psycgirl said...

Oh, I'm so very sorry to hear this :( Please know that I am thinking of you - and if you can't talk, then it's okay not to talk. Do whatever you need to do to get through it.

TiredProf said...

I'm so sorry and hope things will get better for you soon. As others have said, take the time you need but know that we're thinking of you. {{hugs}}

Psychgrad said...

I've very sorry to hear that you're going through some medical issues. I hope that you're feeling back to 100% soon.

B said...

I'm sorry to hear this, I hope that you recover quickly. We are here for you!

Albatross said...

So sorry to hear this. I will be wishing you good thoughts for a quick physical and emotional recover.

Take care of yourself and we will be here when you are ready to be back.

AnotherSocialScientist said...

I hope the surgery went well and you're starting to heal (physically and emotionally). Hugs.