I think the temporary status of graduate school and then my post doc has made me a bit of a commitmentphobe. Every time my current supervisor talks about projects for next year, or future years I feel a little twitchy and uncomfortable.
It's strange because I was totally willing to stick around post doc for years if I got funding (wasn't that the whole reason I was applying for all those grants?). What's even more strange is that it's not like my supervisor is talking about 10-15 years, it's a plan for 1 or 2 years.
And I mentioned before how I assumed I'd go on the academic job market this year but now I probably won't be doing that. That doesn't bother me, I'm perfectly comfortable with not applying for any other jobs.
I don't have these problems in romantic relationships, I wonder why it's appeared in my work life. Weird.
I wonder how long it will take for the twitchyness to go away.
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I feel that way and I don't even have a real job. Well...you know what I mean.
For me, I think it's just that I don't actually want to continue doing what I'm doing. I like the research area...but the work I would produce would just be more experimental work that doesn't actually do more than help my CV (and my supervisor's). So, logically, if I don't need to improve my CV, why would I want to commit? I don't know if that's how you feel...but that's my excuse.
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