Rewriting Reality

I know that sometimes one persons reality is not another persons. I know that we enter situations with different expectations, perceptions and may focus on different parts of an interaction. However, I fail to believe that every single interaction that two people have leads to a totally different reality for each person. I believe there is some rewriting of reality that goes on between the original interaction and the recollection of that interaction.

As you may have guessed this rewriting of reality is happening in my interactions with another individual (an individual who has some power over me). The thing that bugs me the most about all this is that the other persons rewriting of reality leads to the accusation that I don't have the ability to do things. That things are not done, or are not done on time because I did not have the ability to do these things on time, correctly or sometimes at all.

I fully recognize that perhaps I could be the one rewriting reality, however I have discussed these "lack of ability" accusations with other people and they recall these interactions/situations in the same way that I do. I have confirmation that were someone not standing in my way I could have easily done things on time, correctly and completely. Also, when the accuser is pressed for details about how I did not have the "ability" to these things, the tune changes and all of a sudden it's "well I did not mean you didn't have the ability." Really? Because you're exact words were "I should not have expected you to do this given that you did not know how."

These rewriting of realities are driving me crazy. They're diminishing my motivation and lowering my moral. But when you're dealing with someone who is overly sensitive, insecure and passive aggressive what the hell do you do? Besides fester in frustration that is??

4 day workweek= 4 day weekend :)

I have a 4 day work week this week, hubby and I leave Friday for grad school town. Going to grad school's football game on Sat and visiting friends/colleagues the rest of the weekend. Really looking forward to our 4 day get away. I'm sure I'll need it after my meeting tomorrow. I haven't seen some of my friends in just about a year! I am so excited to see them all.

What will tomorrow bring?

Tomorrow is my annual review with my boss. It should be interesting. For the most part I have to let them direct the conversation so we don't go down the wrong (i.e., too sensitive to make progress) road. The one on one meetings are supposed to be a means of my boss getting feedback from everyone about how the team should be restructured.

Mental Health Day

I've had a hard time adjusting since I got back from the West Coasts so I took a mental health day today.

Slept in
Had a massage (for the first time in 5 months: and made another appt for next week)
Sushi for lunch with my sister
Extravagant Pedicure (also with my sister)
Caught up on our household bills (feels good to have that under control)
Had dinner out with hubby
Ran a few errands with hubby
Going to bed in 15 minutes (@9:30pm)

I think that's a pretty good mental health day. Although physically I feel like I got my butt kicked (hold all my stress in my neck and shoulders and massage therapist tried to work a bunch of that out for me today), psychologically I am really glad I took today for myself.

Home sweet home

My East Coast brain can not handle the West Coast time zone. I have been sleeping well but you would never know it too look at me, I look like a walking zombie. I'm at a work related conference which means I had to go to a session during every available time period (for both taking notes to report back to the team and because it was important to have a presence at this conference).

During down time I have been logging into work and troubleshooting what I can. The team has become increasingly more frustrated and their unrealistically (in my opinion) impatient with the fact that things haven't changed since I last week. The fact that I'm on the opposite coast, 3 hours behind has made all of this worse because I can't respond to them timely and help to simmer things down before they get all worked up. I am exhausted.

I never ended up using the bathtub. But I'm glad it was here. :)

I scheduled a big meeting at work on Monday, otherwise I may think about not going in. I feel like I am in serious need of some downtime. But at least I'll be able to spend the weekend in my own bed with my hubby and my puppies.

Breaking News

There is a bathtub!! :)

My east coast body can't handle the west coast time right now.

Update on the work issues

To continue on with this post, the project manager came to our meeting on Tuesday, it was good to have them there (and they got to see some of the issues I've mentioned pertaining to my boss on their own) and I hope these visits by the project manager will continue.

However, after the meeting there was a parade of sorts through my office of all my team members telling me how miserable they were, how much the week I was on vacation sucked and how they were all thinking about ways to either get off our contract or leave the company all together! This is the 2nd time I've taken a real vacation from this position and this is the 2nd time I've come back to this sort of parade. Mind you, there was not any sort of major event that happened while I was gone. It's just when I'm gone the team has to deal more directly with my boss and this pushes them over the edge.

So, on Wednesday I had a two hour meeting w/ our project director. I once again laid out all of the team issues with very specific examples of how these issues play out amongst the team. It was by far the most frank discussion I've had with the project director and I also shared the reasons why we needed to move quickly (i.e., major members of the team looking for new work!).Bottom line I told the project direct that things needed to change in a major way and quickly. Project director agreed, and we brainstormed some ways that restructuring could help the team. Then project director had a one hour meeting with the other senior member of my team who confirmed everything I told project director and project director said that the bottom line from her conversations with us was "The status quo isn't going to cut it and things need to change and change fast." We all agree that my boss is the biggest hurdle to issuing in the much needed structural changes and project director confirmed that it was up to them to get my boss on board. Boss and Project director already had a lunch meeting scheduled for Friday and project director was making plans for how to have this conversation with my boss and put things in motion for major change.

I saw my boss after the lunch meeting and boss didn't mention the lunch meeting which I think is good news because had project director made boss feel like the team was ganging up on boss then I think I would have heard about it. I haven't heard from project director -- they left on Friday right after the lunch meeting for work on the west coast and won't be back until mid-week. I'm headed to the west cost (but states south of where project director is) tomorrow afternoon and won't be back in the office until the following Monday. So, we wait.... I suspect I won't know anything for at least another week....

I feel hopeful though... not sure why but I do. I know feeling hopeful is half the battle.

Oh, and hubby had a job interview on Tuesday... he's not happy at work either... stressful times here in the PPD household, but things seem to be looking up... I think.