So I was thinking today that I'm pretty sure my mentor should have heard about one of the grants that she listed me on. If she didn't get it, I don't see why she wouldn't tell me that we struck out again.
But.. I'm starting to wonder if she did get it and is hoping another job will come through for me so she doesn't have to give it to me.
1. Because we have a weird relationship and I'm not sure she's 100% happy with me even though I try to do exactly what she wants and
2. Her lab is already so tight on space, if I were to leave it would make things easier with the new post doc and grad students coming in.
I guess the other option is that she heard but the funding score is borderline so she doesn't want to get my hopes up until she knows for sure whether it will be funded or not. I hate feeling not wanted and yes, this could be paranoia... but you know how sometimes you just know something isn't quite right. That's how I feel right now.