Meeting with my PDM went well. At one point she actually said "look, I love you and I need you but I also want what's best for you so I will do without you". I really needed to hear that she wasn't trying to push me out. However, she is really pushing for NAJ. She thinks I'd be good at it, and she thinks my reasons for not wanting it have more to do with other people's expectations than my own wants/needs. She gave me a lot to think about.
We find out about her grant on Friday.
She is still convinced that NAJ offer is coming through any day now. She said she basically told them I was the best they would ever find. :) And they said that confirmed what they thought when they met me.
So, I'm still waiting and thinking but now I'm starting to lean more to the NAJ than to academia. But... who knows tomorrow I could be blown back over the academic side.